My Son came home to die today.

Forgotten dreams and hopes abandoned

My Son will live in eternity

His body is but dust

But his soul shall live forever

In clouds of doubt and fear

My thoughts wander aimlessly

Like a mist in the morning

It hangs like darkness

Pain remains

Our Son died today.

We watched as the cancer took him

His body is being consumed

Cancer like a rash spreading throughout his organs

Invading his body unwanted.

His face cries out in pain although he is silent.

The look in his eyes tells it all

He would soon be gone.

Our Son, gone but not forgotten

Pain oozes to the surface

As mundane tasks elude me

My focus gone

My will evaporated

My mind wanders

Random thoughts take over

My anger has returned

Why oh God, why?

I want the pain to end

But it only subsides

The tears can come

Although sometimes they get stuck

I try to force them

They lye under the surface

Waiting to explode

Why can’t I release them?

The days pass me by

I’m lost in a daze.

The cards and flowers

Still come

Reminding me of love

Yet I feel so little inside

My heart is broken

Will it ever really heal?

Today is June 29, 2018. Our son died on June 15, 2018 after and a little over 8 month battle with lung cancer. He died peacefully surrounded by his family and friends in his home in Lima Ohio. He left behind his fiancée Beth, daughter Sierra, son Hunter, daughter Ashlee, granddaughter Lyla, Mother Georgia and me. So many were touched by his life and love, including me.

While I can find peace knowing that God is good and that He loves me and has a plan, to bring good even from this pain. It makes it no less painful nor does it remove the hole in my heart from his loss.

The road ahead is filled with opportunity and God has a plan for all this pain. I will walk through this knowing that God will carry me when I have nothing left, He will guide me, and He will be there with me through it all.

Much of the above was written the day our son died except as noted above. I wish to dedicate this post to our son, Robert Lee Harmon!